


drowning

by vinndetta



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Character, Asexual John Laurens, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Boys In Love, College, Columbia University, Falling In Love, First Love, Friendship/Love, Gay John Laurens, High School, Homoromantic John Laurens, Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Marquis de Lafayette, Nonbinary Peggy, Orphan Alexander Hamilton, Panromantic Alexander Hamilton, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans John Laurens, University, alright alright that's what i'm talking about, henry laurens is a bad dad, i guarantee, i think alex threw away his shot, idk - Freeform, if i continue this this will be great, like super super gay, this is sooo gay dude, this is super gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 05:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10564362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinndetta/pseuds/vinndetta
Summary: “Hey! Sorry that I’m late. Traffic was pretty hectic tonight.”Alex didn’t even have time to raise his head as the person who spoke those sudden words plopped right into the seat.-John kept talking, and Alex found that he was so bedazzled by his appearance that he hadn’t even said a thing to John yet. He was guffawed; he had never been speechless as soon as he learned how to talk. What did this John do or have that made him lose his words?





	

**Author's Note:**

> holy fucking shit  
> john and alex are so gay  
> this is some gay shit

He really doesn't know what to think about this situation that he found himself in, cup in hand, staring emptily at the colored fluid inside. He put himself into this position, yet every way that he examined the situation, he saw no way out at all. 

Alex sighs, taking a sip of the drink. The vague taste of the sweet carbonated drink seemed to be simply in the background, as he barely even noticed the liquid pouring down his throat. He twirls the straw around in his cup, making something like a whirlpool inside. Alex closes his eyes, able to imagine himself in the middle of the sea. He can hear the crackling of thunder, and he feels himself being pulled in by the mere strength of the whirlpool itself. He's sinking deeper and deeper in the pit of despair, and no one’s around to help him out anyway. He’s giving up against the forces around him.

He doesn't know what to do, but wait here. He hates waiting. How long has it been since he's waited here? He can spot in the corner of his eyes that his friends are across the room, the ones who followed him here. They were the ones who got him into this embarrassing situation. Without him, he would not have panicked and landed himself into this situation on a Friday night. If this hadn’t happened, he could be at home, writing essays that wouldn't be due until next semester

"Sir?"

He glanced up, looking at the curly-haired woman who bored into his eyes with a mixture of confidence and curiosity. The waitress, as his brain reminded him, approached him every so often, and he wasn’t sure whether to be glad or upset that he was interrupted in his thoughts. Sure, it was relaxing to hear a voice talk to him, but he already felt ashamed that he was just waiting here, wasting everyone’s time.

"T-they'll be here..." He found his voice cracking and bit back a spiteful laugh. "I'm sure... just wait for a moment." The lie came out easily, and Alex couldn’t keep eye contact with her. He felt ashamed of himself for leading everyone on like this.

"If they don't come soon, you'll have to order or we'll have to ask you to leave, sir.”

He had no response to that, lowering his head to look down at his drink. He could hear the footsteps of the waitress, almost like an echo, moving farther and farther away until it was out of earshot.

He didn’t know why he was like this at all. He still saw his friends, who were talking, but he could feel the occasional glance drift onto him. He couldn’t tell if those looks were out of pity or not, but he surely felt like an idiot. He thinks that he must see him as pathetic now, waiting for someone who probably was never going to come. 

Why did he ever think of inviting her in the first place? It was obvious that she was never going to come to this date in the first place. He guesses that he gave himself false hope; he led himself to believe that maybe she would take pity on him, but of course she wouldn’t.

“Hey! Sorry that I’m late. Traffic was pretty hectic tonight.”

Alex didn’t even have time to raise his head as the person who spoke those sudden words plopped right into the seat.

Who is this? This isn’t who he thought this was. The smooth, cool voice belonged to a person around the same age as him, but this definitely wasn’t who he invited on a date with him.

“John, he/him pronouns, go with it.” He whispered, shooting him a wink, and Alex felt his face grow hot at that simple gesture. John raises a finger subtly to his own lips; from afar, it looked like John had simply put his hand on his face, but Alex knew better. He continued to make small talk, although it was one-sided on his part. 

Alex found himself speechless. What could he say? This astonishing, dazzling person just sat straight across from him, and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act this out. If John had been the one that he had planned to take out, he never would have been able to ask him out in the first place. John kept talking, and Alex found that he was so bedazzled by his appearance that he hadn’t even said a thing to John yet. He was guffawed; he had never been speechless as soon as he learned how to talk. What did this John do or have that made him lose his words?

“John…” he breathed out. John tilted his head questioningly, and the corners of his lips raised to make a smirk. Alex breathed in and found that he could get lost in his eyes. The light-brownish tint of his iris seemed to be so bright that Alex swore that his eyes were enrapturing him. Alex could see that John’s eyes were shining with a glow that he had never seen in someone’s eyes before. “Thank you for joining me.” Those words tumbled out of his mouth before he could even analyze what he should say to him without sounding like a fool.

“You’re the one who asked me on a date, silly!” John declared loudly, chuckling at his silliness. He stood up, gesturing for a waitress. Alex found himself checking out his outfit: a simple black shirt with a studded jean jacket. Looking closer, Alex found that John was also wearing a pair of tight jeans. Alex looked away, and if it was possible, his cheeks would have grown hotter.

John talked to the waitress for a couple of moments, and Alex was able to see that he was lively and enthusiastic in the way that he interacted with other people. John seemed to be the type that could talk for hours about something he was passionate about. By the time the waitress walked away, Alex had realized that he had dazed out and he realized that John had already ordered for both of him.

“Weren’t listening, were you? Too bad then. You’ll have to figure it out when the food arrives.” He said wittily, almost as if he was pleased that he had left him speechless. Alex bit his lip, and looked down almost bashful.

“So how ‘come a pretty boy like you is just waiting here, hm?” John whispered playfully, smirk growing ever larger on his face. He seemed genuinely curious, and Alex didn’t blame him. Anyone who had just sat down with a stranger on an actual blind date would be confused on why he was here, waiting for a date that obviously would not show up.

Alex shrugged, and grinned in such a way that felt more like a sarcastic and sad grin rather than a grin made out of happiness. How was he supposed to explain that he had been stood up by his own classmate anyway? He twirled around the straw, intending to avoid answering that very question that John had posed to him. He felt pathetic and helpless in that moment that he couldn’t even answer a simple question.

“I’m guessing someone decided not to show up.” John raised his cup up, his elbow still on the table. Alex looked up in confusion. “I’m sure whoever did so made a fine mistake, leaving behind a cutie such as you.”

Alex was once again shocked into silence. He never said much anyway, but John made a fine first impression on him. He wasn’t sure how to act in front of him, and instead ended up stuttering through answering every question that John posed to him. He looked back at his friends several times, but he would just whistle and gesture things that he would never dare gesture in front of anyone. 

John ended up asking a bunch of basic first-date questions (“What’s your name?” “How old are you?” “When’s your birthday?”) and then ended up asking a bunch of random questions (“What’s your least favorite animal?” “What’s your earliest memory?” “What’s the most painful thing anyone could ever do to you?”). Although Alex had never asked, John decided to take the initiative and answer any question that he had asked Alex himself.

When the food came, Alex was shocked to find that there was something that he had never seen before on his plate as well as John’s plate. This seemed to be something that he had never had before, as it was probably on the expensive side of the menu.

“John,” he stuttered. “This… this is for me?”

“Aw, come on, babe, I’m paying for it. Try it, I think you might like it.” John flirted easily, smiling at him. Alex’s heart began fluttering at the word ‘babe’ and he felt himself drowning again, but it was a different kind of drowning this time. Alex couldn’t really place his finger on it, that strange feeling that entered suddenly without warning and seemingly spread throughout his body.

“I… don’t know what to say.” John laughed at this. 

“Thank you!” 

“Thank you?” Alex questioned back.

“You’re welcome!” John let out a giggle.

Alex glanced up at John, eyebrow raised. John tilted his head questioningly at Alex. He almost looked concerned about Alex, as if he had done something wrong.

Then Alex started laughing. It was a soft laughter at first, but after time, it became more audible. Those in tables surrounding the two smiled at the fondness of this date.

“Very funny.” Alex rolled his eyes, still giggling. 

For the next ten minutes, Alex and John continued eating while enthusiastically talking, since he had already broken the ice. Even after the two of him had already finished eating his food, Alex found that he never wanted to leave. He wasn’t sure if the environment of this small quiet café had an influence or not, but he did know that John definitely had something to do with it. John had made this night turn from a likely-disaster to one of the best days that he had ever had in the longest time. 

By the time it was time to leave, Alex felt as if though being in John’s presence had made time seem to both stop infinitely and also pass by in a millisecond. There didn’t seem to be anyone around him at all; all that Alex could pay attention to was John. Alex smiled at him, and it seemed to him that he could almost imagine and feel his pupils turning into hearts right then and there. 

“So, will I see you again?” Alex asked softly. 

“Maybe. Maybe it’s just a matter of time.”

“Until what?”

“Until we meet again, Alexander Hamilton.”

John kissed Alex’s hand in a chivalrous gesture, making his heart flutter like it had done all night in John’s presence. John walked towards the door, blowing a kiss at him as he walked out. Alex watched as John turned around the corner, and he felt his heart drop. The night became somewhat colder, although it may have just been from the door opening. 

A sudden grab at his arm startled him, and he turned around to face his friends who had been spying on his date the whole time. 

“Man, when you said your date was nice looking, I didn’t expect him to be hot!” His sharp-tongued friend, Hercules, laughed boomingly.

“He…” Alex said. “He’s amazing.”

“Who… was that?” Eliza asked.

“John.” Alex whispered softly. “John Laurens.”

“Are you ever gonna see him again?”

“I hope so. I hope so.”

Later that night, no one noticed as Alex gripped his fists tightly after dinner, wishing for something he could probably never have. Alex laid awake at night, gripping at his covers, sweat dripping down from his temples. 

Alexander Hamilton felt himself drowning all night since his unplanned date, yet it was a different type of drowning. 

If Alexander was honest to himself, he thought that he might know what he felt. He had heard about it all the time, this unfamiliar feeling that he felt filled up to the brim with. He felt as if he could soar, although he seemed to be weighed down with this feeling. 

He, in fact, might be drowning in love with John Laurens.

**Author's Note:**

> yes the notes above was a haiku
> 
> pls tell me if this is shitty or not
> 
> I either need constructive criticism or praise hmu


End file.
